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The Power of “No”

17 Monday Mar 2014

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Success will be defined more by what you choose NOT to do, rather than what you choose TO DO.

Saying “no” can be almost impossible.  Have you found yourself feeling overwhelmed and stressed because of having too much going on?  Did you think back and wonder if maybe you should have said “no”?  Have you said “yes” and then felt resentful towards the person? 

saying no - 2

It’s time to recognize that we need to build healthy boundaries.

Why do we say ‘yes’ to letting others use our time or belongings before we know what we’re agreeing to?  Below are some reasons why we say yes before we think.   

1)  As youngsters we’re often taught that we’re not supposed to say “no” to our parents, supervisors, teachers or people in areas of authority. As we get older we sometimes extend this to a feeling of over-obligating ourselves to others. 

Remember:  When we say “yes” when we want to say “no”, we are creating the bedlam in our lives.

2)  We’re taught that it’s polite to say yes, and rude or selfish to say no.

Remember:  A “no” is often necessary to protect ourselves and our families from unhealthy expectations and into a healthier home life together.

3)  We’re just trying to be accommodating, we may not mean our “yes”  or ever expect to be contacted about it.   

Remember:  When it’s time for the “chips to be cashed in” we may not really be available.  We need to create the boundaries before we commit.

4)  It’s easier to say “yes”  because sometimes we don’t feel we have time to explain our “no”.  Or we don’t think we have a good enough reason to say “no” and feel guilty.

Remember:  We may say “yes” to avoid the conflict, but if we’re not careful this could damage a relationship more than a simple “no” could have ever done. 

5)  We prefer to be non-committal or vague thinking it will get us “off the hook”.    

Remember:  When we avoid answering with “no” by saying nothing, it leaves the door open to being re-asked.  Next thing you know you’re playing hide and seek in Wal-Mart because you’re trying to avoid the “Asker” – repeatedly.

Diplomatic ways of saying “No”  for requests of personal items or time  

  1. “I prefer to be the only one driving my car.”
  2. “I prefer not to lend out my car.”
  3. “It’s important to me that I keep my car for my own use.” 

If someone asks to use your time: 

  1. “As much as I would like to help, I’m not able to due to other commitments.”
  2. “I’m sorry, I don’t have time and I’m sure you wouldn’t want me to commit and then be unable to fulfill my obligation”.
  3. Thank you for thinking of me, but I’m already so busy with family and work that I can’t possibly fit one more thing in.

“Everything requires time. It is the only truly universal condition. All work takes place in time and uses up time. Yet most people take for granted this unique, irreplaceable, and necessary resource” – Peter Drucker

If an individual continues to ask, just use the same “no phrase” with a smile each time and eventually they will “hear” you and get the message. 

It’s important to hold your ground for your own health and the health of those who live with you.

Priorities - saying no

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An Olympic-Sized Clean Up

23 Sunday Feb 2014

Posted by in Clutter, Personal, Residential

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Olympic - 2Can you imagine how many people and how much time it’s going to take to clean up Sochi after 100,000 were there?

Just cleaning a teenager’s room could be considered an Olympic event, especially if doing closets and under the bed!

Our living areas can become a jumbled mess and we find ourselves stepping over objects or looking for space to put down a drink We step into the kitchen and need to clear a spot to just to begin preparing a meal.

Are you overwhelmed when walking into a room? Do you need to “train before you jump in?

Do you wonder “How did this happen?

Do we, as Americans, “over own”? Based on the Pareto Principle, we only use or wear, about 20% of what we own. So why do we keep all this STUFF?

Here are several justifications we use… 

Reason: “I may not use it, but I paid a lot for it.”  Neiman Marcus

The Challenge: Then why are you keeping the evidence? If you keep it another year, will you have paid less for it?

Reason: “It’s valuable.”

Challenge: Its value is based on what somebody else is willing to pay for it. If you keep a lamp in the attic, it has no value. If you sell the lamp, it has/had value (not to mention you have more space).

Reason: “It was a gift.”

Challenge: The person who gave it to you didn’t mean for it be a burden, it’s o.k. to let go; it doesn’t mean you don’t love the person. (If it makes you feel better, take a photo of it before you “let it go”.)

Reason: “I don’t have time to deal with it.”

Challenge: But you can have your time burdened with facing it everyday? Even if it’s not right in front of you, you still KNOW it’s there and that if you put one more item in that closet or attic you may trigger an avalanche.  (The burden is still there.)reduce, simplify, donate, etc

Here are 6 ways to “Reduce Ownership”

Give-away – it’s a much better feeling to pass on treasures to loved ones
Donate – a box of items here and there is sometimes easier than trying to do it all at once (this is my preferred method)
On-Line – eBay, Craig’s List, Facebook or community boards
On-Site – garage sales and auctioneers
Recycle – Google to find the site closest to you
Toss – call your local city office to see what, where and when to take items or you may want call a refuse company to bring a container to your home
 
Need a little help or encouragement?  Feel free to phone or email!

Name Your Space!

16 Sunday Feb 2014

Posted by in Clutter, Residential

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Pack Rat? Neat Freak? Mr. Clean? Or Perfectionist? 

Are you able to relax in your living space? Do you have ample room to spread out for puzzles, board games or entertaining? Or is your living space a little jumbled and in a muddle?  

Clutter in your physical surroundingsCan you sit down and enjoy your surroundings or are you still semi-consciously seeing the toys strewn and the magazines & newspapers all over? 

Worse yet, do you panic when the doorbell rings and you haven’t had time to “prepare”?

Here are 8 QUICK TIPS to a neater space. Plus, you end up with a clearer MIND and you cut your cleaning time later in the week!   

  1. Have a “home” for everything you own and let everyone know where it is!
  2. Put all your like items together & decorate a box so it feels good to put something away.
  3. Use a basket at the top/bottom of the stairs so the next person by takes the items with them.
  4. Use attractive baskets for hat, mittens, backpacks, etc.  or small dishes for keys at the door etc.
  5. When a friend phones to chat, open a cabinet and find a few things to toss out, we all have a few too many plastic containers or pens that don’t work.
  6. During an evening of television grab a drawer during the commercials and you’ll be surprised how much you can get done.
  7. When it’s time to empty the dishwasher or fold a load of clothes, time yourself!  When you realize how quickly you can get it done, less chance you’ll procrastinate next time.
  8. Finally – If it takes less than 2 minutes, do it immediately, don’t put it off!

 Pour that glass of wine and toast to a tidier room and a tidier mind!toast

The Home Command Center

17 Sunday Nov 2013

Posted by in Organizing, Planning, Residential

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Home Command Ctr - Mid-Level

What is a Home Command Center?  This is the hub of a home, the place where adults and kids can find the answer to the everyday questions.  “What time is practice?  What’s for dinner?  What time are we leaving on Friday? Where’s your homework? Did you do your chores?”)

How do you start one for your family? 

First, choose the right space – look carefully at the most-used family entrance or possibly an area in the kitchen (since it’s usually the busiest room in the house). Your Home Command Center should be the first place everyone sees when they leave in the morning and the first place they see when they walk back in the door.

Second – Start simple with an open wall area and hang a corkboard, chalkboard and or a whiteboard.  Include the family calendar, school lunch menu, emergency numbers and important contacts for quick reference.  This is also a great place to have a household chores checklist and leave space for family members to leave notes and reminders.

Start small and let this area grow with your family, you may expand it later to include folders, key hooks, an area for book bags, backpacks or eventually a home computer and have your house go digital.

If you can, include the whole family.

Make a game of taking young children to the calendar and talking about what’s coming up.  Put stickers, play dates and fun events on the calendar so they get in the habit of wanting to look at it.  As they get bigger you can include chores and make a checklist with stickers so that they can mark them off and feel a sense of accomplishment when they’re all done! 

Make a habit of talking about these things each night and what you need to add or take away from the board or calendar.  (This should reduce the times you at 9 pm that Johnny needs 3 dozen cookies for home room in the morning.)

Home Command Ctr - Simple

Older Children

This is the family center, not just a one-way communique from parent to child.  Encourage kids to leave messages for you and have them write on the calendar if there are changes in practice times, school events, or parties.

This is a place for communication to begin and expectations (chores, homework) to be defined.  Make it a positive and surprise them with a “get out of chores free” card or a treat; they’ll look forward to checking the board even when you aren’t there. 

A simple calendar and a single place for communication can save time, energy and avoid a lot of frustration.

The Home Command Center is where information is kept in one location for the benefit of ALL.

 Need help building your own Home Command Center?  Feel free to email or phone me.

P.S. – Later I’ll share tips and templates for gathering and keeping critical information you may want to include in your Home Command Center.

Christmas Chaos!

11 Friday Oct 2013

Posted by in Organizing, Personal, Planning, Residential, Time

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I’m bringing back the old Christmas of simplicity and heart-warming visits with friends all through a little thinking and planning ahead.

I’m the early Christmas shopper, but not the one who starts in January (I hate holding on to things for that long – it reminds me of clutter even if it isn’t).  I usually have a list of people and ideas completed by mid August, wrapped by Thanksgiving and enjoy visits with friends in early December.

August – I’ve kept a spreadsheet since 2001 which lists every person, every gift and the amounts.  This lets me see what I’ve done, get ideas for new friends, and make sure I don’t duplicate from the previous year!  I always have a dollar amount in mind as I do this and I keep the list with me at all times.   (Actually, I have it as an Excel spreadsheet saved to Google Drive so I can look at it anytime on my phone).

September & October – I don’t like taking time to shop so if I have to be in a store, I might as well take a look around and see if anything is available that ‘fits’ my list. (I have my list, but like to stay flexible in the event I find an even better idea for someone special.) It’s just a matter of doing two things at once.  My theory is that if I’ve prepared the list well in August and keep my eyes open in September and October I can catch some sales and spread the cost out over a few months too! January is so much better when there’s nothing on the credit card from December!

November – after I’ve purchased the gifts I put post-it notes on them with the name of the recipient and they go in the spare bedroom; this way I don’t walk in and feel overwhelmed because I can easily see organized piles with bright tags on each item!   At this point I can enjoy wrapping a few items here and there while watching one of my favorite programs – Duck Dynasty or Big Bang Theory. By the way, this is also a great time to address Christmas cards so you can just drop them in the mail in December – no pressure!

December – I don’t like crowds so the thought of being elbow to elbow with hundreds of harried people makes me feel anxious. Instead of putting myself through that, I’ve wrapped and tagged the gifts over Thanksgiving and they’re stacked in chronological order for delivery.

As December 1st has rolled in I’ve called some friends and have a few short visits on the calendar.  Whether it’s shortbread, Irish soda bread, candies, or jar gifts, I make a little batch each week when it’s convenient.  Since I’m not in a rush I can enjoy thinking of the people who will receive the home-made tokens.  When it’s time to hit the road, I just match my “kitchen gift” to the small item in a gift bag upstairs and I’m ready to go.

I want to look back on my life and remember the moments, not the Christmas chaos that rolls from one year into the other.  I want to cherish the people, admire the tree, take a treat for the dog, share some home-made Irish Cream and have a few laughs.

Just to get you started, here’s a Christmas List template for you to download. – Christmas List

P.S. – If you’re a spreadsheet person like me, you can keep a status column on your Christmas list and sort it regularly to stay on top of everything.  I sort by “purchase, wrap, bake, and completed”.    If you’re interested in having a customized template in Excel, feel free to email me!

If you would like to receive my Blogs, click the “Follow” box on the left side of the screen above the calendar. 

Forgetting something?

07 Saturday Sep 2013

Posted by in Organizing, Planning, Residential, Time

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Calendars can have many purposes in addition to using them as reminders for anniversaries/birthdays or appointments, practices and lessons.

 Calendars are equally important for tracking home and car maintenance!

 When was the last time you tested the items that protect your home and family such as smoke sensors, fire extinguishers or carbon monoxide detectors?  How often do you change the filters in your furnace (which also saves you money)?

How many of us have discovered (after the fact) that our vehicle registration or inspection had lapsed?  It’s great to include oil changes and repairs so you have a record if you go to sell your car in the future.

If you use an on-line calendar, you can easily add these items with reminders to all your other events.

If you’re a pencil and paper kind of person, feel free to download these calendars.

Calendar Downloads – September 2013 October 2013 November 2013 December 2013

If you can’t fit everything on one calendar, have one calendar for events and appointments and another calendar for home and car maintenance.  Staple them together or put them in a file to check each month.

If you would like to receive my Blogs, click the “Follow” box on the left side of the screen above the calendar.  I always enjoy tips and feedback!